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Entertaining Retellings of Old Testament Stories. Part 1: David and Abigail.

At the Presbyterian church that I attend we’ve been going through the books of 1 and 2 Samuel in a fantastic sermon series. After struggling to reconnect with Scripture in the aftermath of some personal trauma, somehow these two history books seem to be the perfect thing to get me back into the Bible. (Imagine that – a historian who connects well with the historical books of Scripture!)  I haven’t spent much time in 1 and 2 Samuel before except for the more famous stories of David and Goliath, and David and Bathsheba, so I’ve been delighted with the crazy and interesting lesser-known passages of these two books. These stories deserve a sparkling retelling. So I’m starting a series on my blog where I give quick and entertaining summaries of the more interesting passages.

Samuel 25: “In a settlement in the desert there lived a gorgeous and really smart woman named Abigail who was married to a drunk idiot named Nabal. David, who was hiding out in the desert because he was still hiding from Saul, sent a message to Nabal saying: “Hey, my troops and I protected your shepherds when they were out in the fields. Now, give us some food.” Nabal was like,” Huh? Who is this David guy? I’ve never heard of him.” And David was like, “Men, get your swords. We’re going to destroy this jerk-face.” Abigail heard about all this and was super-angry at her husband. So she packed up all the food they owned and rode out to David. She gave him the food was was like, “Hey David. I think you’re super-awesome and I know the Lord is with you. Don’t kill us.” David said, “Thanks for the food. I’m glad that you came out here and now I won’t kill you.” Abigail rode back home and told her husband what she had done. Nabal dropped dead of shock. David heard that Nabal had died and was like, “That Abbigail woman was super-hot and smart. I want to marry her immediately.” So Abigail became his 3rd wife. The end.”

#KingDavid #1Samuel25 #Abigail #satire #Bible #OldTestament

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